Little Heart
by kalenapaige93
Summary: Paying no attention, Bella begins to doodle in class which leads to her discovering new feelings. Her life will be forever changed by one drawing, she will reevaluate her life and poossibly be lead to her death. CHAPTERS EDITED. NEW CHAPTERS TO COME SOON!
1. Chapter 1

(This is my FIRST ever Twilight story, also my first story posted on THIS website. So, please read and review)

I sat in the back of my first period Spanish class not really paying attention. Which was probably a bad thing to do in a class that was known to be very talkative. I was completely concentrated on one thing and one thing alone... Edward.

"Señorita Isabella. Te gustaría hablar por teléfono con tus amiga Courtney todos los días?" asked Señor Jose

I sat there for a minute not comprehending what he had just said to me. The entire classes attention was transferred to me. Quietly sitting in the back corner of the classroom Courtney; who sat in front of me turned around and gave me a look that just screamed " You should know what he said. Pay more attention."

"Do you like to talk on the phone with me every night?" Courtney whispered

"Me gustaría escuch...hablar por teléfono con mis amiga Courtney todos los días." I said semi-confidently.

Señor Jose looked at me for a moment as if trying to understand what I had just replied. "...okay..."

After our little conversation (if you could call it that) ended I completely toned the class out. I kept thinking about "him". I sat in my desk and doodled on a piece of paper. When the end of first period bell rang I looked down at the paper to see what I drew and smiled. In the center of the paper a big heart with the words "Edward and Bella" was nesseled. Smaller hearts scattered through the rest of the pages as well as the words Edward and Bella in early 1900's scroll. One thing caught my eye thoug; in the upper right hand corner the words " Emmett and Bella" sat in the middle of a heart with wings. I tried to remember drawing it, but the bad thing was... I couldn't remember drawing ANYTHING. I just remembered letting the pencil take over. I didn't intend to draw anything; it just happened.

"Why?" I asked myself. "Why?"

I got up from my desk and ran to my locker. I shoved the paper into my purse...which Alice had graciously FORCED me to carry. When I got to my locker I saw Edward who stood next to my locker with a small smile on his face.

"Bella, what took you so long?" He asked.

" Huh? Oh, I was zoned out for a while after the bell rang."

He looked at me suspiciously but let it slide. Edward took my books from me and with vampire speed put my books from my first period into my locker, took out my second period US History book and binder, and put them into my arms. Sadly, my second period class was an all girls class...why; i don't know. So again, just like my first period...no Edward. I needed Edward around me, so I could get my head off that stupid heart in the corner. It was weird because I don't even know why it bothered me in the first place. One thing was certain though, it got my attention.

I looked over at Edward as we walked around the corner something was off. Normally, he held my hand, put his arm around me, kissed me before we left my locker. Today he wasn't. He was worrying me; and I didn't like that feeling. Just as I was contemplating that over in my head I noticed he was starting to talk.

" Bella, I know we had plans for you to come over today, but I really need to go hunt. So could you come over tomorrow possibly?"

" But you just went hunting." I knew he went hunting on Sunday. He always goes on Sunday's, never any other day.

" I know but you're blood has been getting to me recently."

" ...Oh. Well okay. I'll just hang out with Alice then. Maybe let her buy me a new wardrobe or something. I think I need a new look anyway." I looked up at Edward, he seemed to be holding something back. That much I knew. He just wasn't acting right. Something was up with him... I mean, it could be my blood, but was that all that was bothering him?

" She'd like that. I know she would." With that he kissed my forehead and ran (human pace) to his second period.

I walked into my second period in a daze. I walked to a desk in the back, pulled out my little paper that I doodled on earlier and just stared. When Renee was in one of her "phases" she read a book about feeling things subconsciously. Was it possible that I have some kind of hidden feelings for Emmett? No, I couldn't that would be ridiculous. With that I folded the paper and tried to concentrate on something diffrent. I didn't pay attention to my class though. I saw that the projector was on so I knew we were just taking notes. Nothing very important. I wondered what made me think of Emmett in mindless doodling, I remained lost in thought until...

"Ms. Swan...Ms. Swan... ISABELLA.!" yelled the teacher.

"wh..huh?"

"Gather your stuff. You've been signed out by Jasper Hale." She gestured towards the door where Jasper stood leaning against the door frame. A sligh smile etched into his perfect features. I was actually surprised he came to get me...whatever the reason was as to why he came to get me.

"Oh." with that I rose from my seat, grabbed my things and walked to the door.

I looked at Jasper as I made my way towards him. He smiled at me, and that got me thinking. Maybe I could get him away from Edward and talk to him about the whole situation.

"Hey Jasper whats up?" I asked

" Nuttin much...Oh, I guess I need to clue you in. Don't I..? Well, Alice had a vision that confused her; and I will not elaborate. So, she decided we all needed some time away so she planned for you, me, Emmett, Rosalie (though she said something about wanting to go to Paris.) and herself of course to go to New York City. Edward wanted to go to least that's what he said." As Jasper was talking I could tell he was editing. i now knew something was definitely up.

Jasper and I arrived to my locker and I flung my books into it so all I had was my purse. We walked down the halls, down the main staircase and out the front door. He then led me to a very stylish black Ferrari where he opened my door for me.

"Thanks." I said as I got in.

"No problem."

He was around the car and in the driver seat starting the car by the time I was buckled in. We were driving down the main highway and passing the Welcome to Forks sign when I first thought of Charlie.

"Does Charlie know-"

"Alice called Charlie yesterday and asked him. He said it was a good idea due to the fact that you were going to get bored of dreary old Forks sooner or later. Alice didn't tell him it was going to be cloudy the whole trip." Jasper looked away from the road and smiled at me.

"How long are we staying in New York City anyway?"

"We are staying for two weeks. Then Alice said something about LA. I personally don't want to go to LA but whatever. What Alice wants..Alice gets. You know that." Jasper said with a slight chuckle.

"So why isn't Edward coming? The longest he goes hunting is one day; maybe two. Another thing, why is he going hunting in Alaska? Why couldn't he of went yesterday and came with us today?" I realized my voice sounded with anger in it.

"Hunting? That's what he told you?" An astonished look on his face.

"what do you mean? Did he lie?"

"well.."

"Jasper."

Lucky for Jasper his phone rang just as he was about to answer. He snapped open the phone so I decided to listen in on the one side of the conversation that I could hear.

"Hello?"

"Five minutes ago."

"Who is going?"

"Oh, so its just us and him then.?"

"okay."

"Talking."

"What do you think?"

"I think so." I noticed how he stressed the I.

"Yes."

"Its not the right time."

"Because.."

"Alice I have to go. Her emotions are going crazy."

"Ya, you too."

"Uh huh. bye"

His phone shut with a snap and he looked over at me. He pulled over to the side of the road and grabbed both of my hands in his. I looked at him in confusion. What the hell is he doing? He smiled and closed his eyes. I suddenly felt the feeling of calmness just wash over me. His eyes opened up and he smiled again. I noticed he didn't talk a lot but he sure did smile though. I smiled back at him but I was still determined to find out what was going on. No matter how many times he played with my emotions.

" Jasper, where is everyone else?"

"Alice left after first period to go pack her clothes, my clothes, and she went to pack your "good clothes"." He paused. "Then Rosalie decided to go to Paris, but Emmett is going with us... He doesn't really like Paris all that well. I don't really blame him though...and as you know Edward is going to Alaska."

"Well, okay."

Jasper pulled back out on the road, smoothly gliding along the empty two-lane road. I looked at the speedometer and it said Jasper was going a fast 100 mph. I couldn't even tell; his driving is so smooth. He doesn't jerk you everywhere, when pulling out onto the road. For the next few hours we were both quiet, I was watching the landscape change as we went by. We had turned on music somewhere along the road but i wasn't sure who turned it on. I looked over at Jasper and wondered if I should ask him now about what was going on.

"Jasper tell me whats really going on."

I didn't care if he was a vampire that could manipulate emotions, I wasn't going to budge on the subject. I had questions and I wanted answers.

" What do you mean?" He asked.

" It's Edward isn't it?"

"Yes."

(A/N... So,this is my first story here on Fanfiction. Also my first Twilight story EVER. So, for a new be how did I do so far? was it good was it bad? Also would any of you mind to tell me any places in New York City that Alice could drag Bella to? I have a few places in mind, but it couldn't hurt to get some other options. Anyway please review.)


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up, with my head in Jasper's lap and my feet curled up under me. Jasper had one hand on the steering wheel and one running through my hair. I turned my head up and looked at Jasper. He looked down at me and smiled before turning his attention back to the road...even though he didn't need to watch it. I untucked my legs from under me and rose my head up out of Jasper's lap.

"Good morning to you."

I smiled at him and looked out the window. It was possibly early morning and we were somewhere that was unfamiliar to me.

"Jasper, where are we?" I asked

"Half way through North Dakota. Just so you know its 9:30. Alice called while you were asleep. She has bought you a whole new wardrobe for you. You were the main reason she went ahead. So she could buy you clothes. Emmett has been gladly helping her by carrying her bags all around New York. I guess I should clue you in... Emmett and Rosalie are having some real problems and she is thinking about leaving him for good. He is doing anything to keep his mind off of it. But that's all I'm going to say on that subject because it's not my place to tell, it's his."

"I understand. Have they been having problems long though?" I was now truly curious. I liked Emmett, and the more I thought about it the more I was realizing just how much i cared for him.

"Well. The problems started about a month ago, but the problems grew worse about a week ago. They fight every once in a while, but it's never gotten this bad. Emmett isn't taking the breakup too well. Rosalie decided to leave the clan. That's why she decided to go to Paris. She's going to Paris to start over." Jasper was putting out a feeling of sadness as he told me that.

I couldn't understand why Rosalie wanted to leave Emmett. He was a wonderful guy; nice, funny, and caring. She had a perfect guy yet she was practically throwing him to the curve so to speak. Emmett treated Rosalie like a queen yet she was treating him like nothing. I knew that when we got to New York Alice and Jasper were going to be connected at the hip, so I might as well hang out with Emmett. It might make trying to figure out my feelings for him easier. The more I thought about that little paper the more I realized I needed to talk to someone about it.

"Jasper can I talk to you about something, but you can't tell Alice. Or anyone else for that matter." I guessed where Jasper was able to feel what I was feeling; it would be easier to talk to him.

"Okay, so what's this about that's got your feelings all jumbled up?" Jasper looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

" Ummm... well yesterday in first period I was really zoned out so I started doodling on a random piece of paper. At the end of class I looked at it and it was covered in hearts and said Edward and Bella all over it. Well, besides one place. In the corner..." I paused.

"In the corner?"

"In the corner I had drawn a heart that said "Emmett and Bella". And that got me thinking maybe I have some kind of feelings for Emmett. I mean, Edward has been acting all funny these last few days, well weeks actually. He has started to ignore me, cancel our plans on a weekly basis; he doesn't kiss me, hug me, or hold me anymore. I've noticed I wake up in the middle of the night because he leaves and doesn't come back, or he doesn't come at all." By this time I had tears rolling down my face and my breathing was ragged.

The feeling in my chest was one of pain. My throat was closing up and the walls of my heart were tightening. Just thinking about how Edward could betray me like that hurt my heart. My spirit was dimming. He had promised that he wouldn't leave me again, especially after he found out how I reacted. I turned my head to look out the window so Jasper couldn't see my tears; though I knew it would make no difference. I just didn't want him to see the tears.

"Bella, look I know it's hard and I know how you feel; literally. The only thing I can tell you is to talk about it. One person who would understand more than any of us is Emmett. I know you don't want to tell him about your feelings but he would understand. He wouldn't just turn away; he would talk to you about it. He is a compassionate guy and you know it. Just talk to him when we get to New York. He knows what you're going through right now and he would understand or at least try to understand your feelings about him." He looked over at me and patted my hands which rested in my lap.

I smiled at him and just looked out the window for a while. The whole talk Jasper and I had had just drained me. I was emotionally unstable right now and Jasper must have noticed because after about an hour or two of me looking out the window he had reached over and grabbed my hand washing me over with a feeling of calmness and content. I smiled at him in thanks and continued to watch the landscape change before my very eyes. Somewhere along the trip one of us had turned on music. One of my favorite bands were playing, they were really not that big and kind of unheard of unless you're in Tennessee or Kentucky. I personally had found them on MySpace random I know. One of my favorite songs was playing, The Mummers Dance by Loreena McKennitt.

I sat back in my seat and just listened to the lyrics, letting them flow through my ears. Jasper looked over at me and I smiled at him. He knew how I got when I listened to this song. I go into a daze, my eyes close and I daydream, normally when I'm with the Cullen's/Hales they turn the song on repeat when I'm around and need my rest. The last thing I heard from Jasper for a while was...

"Bella I'm putting it on repeat."

Some 6-7 hours later

"Should I tell her to wake up..? I mean is she actually asleep or just in another one of those dazes again?" I heard someone say. A deep male voice; I knew that voice from somewhere but I couldn't place it.

"Just carry her. She's not heavy and it's not like you're going up any stairs." Said another voice but this time it was definitely female.

"Yeah Emmett don't knock her out of her daze just carry her like Alice said." Said a third voice; that must have been Jasper's voice then seeing as he had identified the other two speakers as Emmett and Alice.

We must have made it to New York then if he was talking to Emmett and Alice. I felt myself being lifted out of my seat by strong muscular arms. I realized I was slowly waking out of the daze I had been in. I laid my head on Emmett's shoulder and looked up at his face while wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Hi Emmett!" I think I was still half asleep.

"Hi to you too!"

All of a sudden I burst out laughing. The people in the main lobby of the hotel around us looked on in confusion. I had tears rolling down my face as my laughing caused my lungs to spas out. I buried my face in his neck shaking with laughter.

"Bella what is so funny?" Emmett asked sounding amused.

"Is..ha-ha..Jasper around..hahaha..?" I barely got out my sentence before my laughter completely took over.

"Yeah wh- Jasper knock it off." Emmett hissed.

"Sorry." Jasper changed my emotions to calmness and smiled sheepishly.

We got into one of the elevator. I looked over and there were almost 70 buttons. I wasn't for sure if they all went to floors or what but i watched as Alice pushed the Penthouse button that was on the top floor. I had noticed that when Emmett carried me it wasn't bad at all. The rocking motion wasn't there like it was with Edward. Emmett held me as close to his chest as possible without making me uncomfortable.

The elevator ride was a comfortable one on my part; but I took into account that maybe Emmett didn't want to hold me all the way up the building to the top floor so me being a considerate person I am asked him.

"You can put me down if you want ya' know." I looked up into his glistening eyes and noticed the gleam in them. Faint but I noticed it.

"What if I don't want to?"

"Hey I'm just asking. Being the nice person I am I didn't want to be an inconvenience to you." I paused. "But if you don't wanna put me down don't strain yourself."

"Good. You are staying right where you are. I don't want to put you down until I feel like it." Emmett looked down at me with a large smile on his face; his breath-taking smile.

I knew he was just being nice. Alice probably told him to or Jasper clued him in. That or he was trying to get a laugh in. The rest of the way to the penthouse was a long quiet ride. Me trying to decipher why Emmett was being so nice, Alice was staring at me in a creepy "I know what you did last summer" sorta way, and Jasper was holding Alice and smiling at nothing in particular. When we got to the penthouse I jumped sorta gracefully out of Emmett's arms. As soon as we walked in the door Jasper asked Alice to show him around the city seeing as it had been quite a while since he had been in the city. I looked over at Emmett and decided now was probably as good a time as any to talk to him as Jasper suggested.

"Emmett can I talk to you? I talked to Jasper about this and he said I should talk to you." I walked over to the balcony doors and opened them. I stepped out nervous of what he might think.

"Okay. So what's this about?" Emmett looked concerned.

I saw a table and 2 chairs sitting in front of the railing. I walked over and stared out at the view. I looked over at him and smiled before turning back towards the view. I took a deep breath and began my story; beginning at where Edward had went crazy about three weeks ago when I asked him when he was going to change me. Throughout my entire tale he stayed quite, letting me pour out my sorrow. I paused when I got to the part about the paper and the heart. He had obviously noticed my hesitation and asked.

"What happened? Bella I need to know what happened so I know how to help you."

"How the hell are you supposed to help me?"I yelled "YOUR THE PROBLEM."

"Wha- how is this, my fault?" Emmett had a look of complete shock on his face.

I looked him straight in the eye and told him about the paper, the possible hidden feelings for him and I told him the feelings were there. Jasper made me realize I did have feelings for Emmett and I also told him that. After I told him everything I looked at him to see if he had anything to say. He was staring straight forward, a blank look etched across his face.

"Bella. Maybe it's time I clue you in on EVERYTHING that's been going on." Emmett looked over at me out of the corner of his eye.

"What?"

"Promise you won't interrupt."

"I won't."

"Okay. Remember the night about three week's ago where you asked Edward to change you?" Here I nodded.

"Well when he freaked out and came home he ran straight through the house and up to his room. At the time only Rosalie and I were home; I was getting ready to go out to hunt and Rosalie was staying behind because she went hunting the week before with Alice and Esme. I left for about an hour because I never really need long hunting trips. Well I walked up to Edwards's room to see if he was okay and to ask what was bothering him." Emmett took a deep breath; his face became sour. "I opened his door... and when I looked in Edward and Rosalie were... they were... in a compromising position. I just stood there in complete shock. Rosalie never seemed interested in Edward and he never seemed interested in her. They both just looked up at me; they raced around to put on their clothes while I was gripping the door as hard as possible so I didn't rip Edward to shreds. I actually broke his door in half. Anyway, after they were completely dressed Rosalie ran over to me and said; "It isn't what it looks like."" Emmett just stood up and looked out at the New York skyline. His anger was getting the best of him and I could see that." I told her I wasn't stupid and that I saw exactly what they were doing. We screamed at each other for about an hour until she said one thing... she looked me straight in the eye and said and I quote "It's all Bella's fault. She's the one that kept pushing him to bite her. If she just shut the hell up then I never would have slept with Edward. Every time she asked him, he would talk to me about it. I'm the only one who understands just what kind of damnation this is. All of you are so blind, you don't think about the future, about what kind of life you are damning her to; and further more, she doesn't know what she is giving up. A chance to have kids, a husband to GROW OLD with and have grandchildren... Edward can't touch her; he can barely kiss her without wanting to want to kill her. He has to be so guarded with her, but not with me. Edward truthfully is so passionate when it comes to me. You aren't; you just rush through it and you don't try and learn anything about me and my feelings. Have you notice EVERYTHING revolves around poor pathetic Bella. God, I can't stand her. She ruins everything. SHE drove Edward away...to me. SHE made all our problems pop up. SHE caused all of this."

I looked up at him the pain that was in my chest earlier was back and worse than I ever experienced. It was as if my heart was about to explode. My eyes blurred with tears, my legs and arms felt numb yet somehow I managed to stand. Emmett was looking at me worriedly; as if he was afraid I was going to push myself over the edge of the balcony.

"Its my fault." That's all I could say and that's all I did say. I stumbled around until I found the bathroom. By the time I reached the door knob I realized that Jasper and Alice were standing not far away from me. I walked through the door letting it stay open behind me. I didn't care if they followed me; at the moment I wasn't for sure if I cared for anything at all. I fell against the wall directly behind me. The emotions rolling off me were too much for Jasper to handle without him spreading it to everyone in the hotel room...possibly the entire hotel, so he quietly excused himself and walked out of the room. I grabbed fistfuls of my hair and tugged; i felt strands come loose and I didn't care. I had stood and started to pace my eyes held shut tightly. Emmett and Alice stood in front of the bathroom door just watching me break down entirely and completely. Alice scared shitless, just stared at me in fear of what I might do. Emmett was leaning back against the door his eyes closed but the emotions were shown on his face. I opened my eyes back up and looked at the mirror in front of me; I was disgusted with my own reflection. Everything that was happening between Edward and I, Rosalie and Emmett, and Edward and Rosalie was entirely my fault. If I had quit pushing Edward to change me, he wouldn't of went to Rosalie, he wouldn't have broke me. I braced myself against the counter and looked down and straight back up. Anger and Disgust was rolling off me in gallons. I raised my fist and swung it into the large rectangular mirror in front of me without a second thought with as much force as I could wind up. The loud crashing sound made Emmett and Alice's heads shoot straight up. They both looked at me in shock. The glass came raining down in large pointy shards. I fell to my knees; I felt the glass cut deep into my skin on my legs and the bottoms of both my hands. My knuckles were already bleeding due to the force of my fist slamming into the glass. I just sat there and let the blood flow out. I grabbed a pointed shard of glass and brought it up to my left wrist; I slid the glass across my left wrist then my right wrist. I didn't want to live anymore, Edward didn't love me anymore and Emmett made no move as to say he wanted me or loved me. I truly had no one. I leaned my head back against the counter and looked up. Emmett was in a state of shock. He walked over to me and knelled in front of me. He looked me straight in the eye and just muttered one thing.

"Why?"


	3. Chapter 3

I ignored Emmett and just stared at the wall. I figured that in about an hour I would have a significant amount of blood loss that I would die or be beyond saving. I scooted myself against the wall and pulled myself up. My mind and body was going crazy; the room was spinning and wouldn't stop no matter how much my mind screamed, I was slowly losing feeling in both my arms, and I didn't know how much energy I had left. I pushed myself off the wall using my back as a lever and walked (more like stumbled) around the bathroom to the tub. I didn't care if they were in the room or not. I wanted to die and they weren't going to stop me no matter what. My mind was set... and they couldn't do a damn thing about it. I started the water it was hot but not scolding. There was a mirror behind the bathtub and I looked into it. You could see the entire room from the mirror. Alice wasn't breathing and looked as if she was losing an inner battle with herself. She kept twitching, one foot stepping forward; yet her hands clawed into the door. I didn't know if it was the blood lust or her wanting to stop me. Emmett was in the same spot I left him in except he was looking at me. I met his eyes in the mirror for a split second. He slowly stood, like a lion about to go in for the kill. As if that wasn't bad enough he had his cellphone out and was talking to someone. I then knew he didn't care. He wasn't trying to stop me, not that he could but it still hurt that he wasn't even trying. I looked down at my wrists which were still pouring the blood then at the tub which was over two-thirds full. I took off my Tokio Hotel face tee and Barbie pink denim pants (which I got from Hot Topic) but left on my black and red lace bra and thong set. I slipped into the tub; the water instantly turning a light red/pinkish color. The hot water stung at my wrists and the cuts on the palms of my hands and both my legs. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen; I didn't really care as long as my suffering wasn't going to last. I wanted to go numb; I didn't want to feel the now constant ache in my chest... the feeling of my heart being stabbed repeatedly. I sunk into the water feeling weaker with every move. The water was now up to my chin and it was so red I couldn't see my body beneath it. I took one last deep breath and sunk my head down under the water as far as possible. My lungs were starting to burn as I knew they would, but that didn't bother me. Knowing that all the pain was going to end in a little bit of time I smiled. The last thing I thought before I let the darkness take over was

_I'll miss them. I really will._

Emmett's POV

I was frozen in fear. I just watched Bella someone I deeply care about slash her wrists, and now drowning herself. I was itching to move towards her; to pull her out of that deep blood colored water. I knew if I did then there was a possibility I would bite her. I didn't want that to happen; even if her deliciously smelling blood scent was filling the room I wanted to fight it and save her. I held my breath (no breath no smell). I looked over at Alice who was still after about half an hour clawing her hands into the door. I listened for Bella's heart beat hoping she was just thinking about drowning herself. After a second or two I found it; her heart beat was very faint almost undetectable.

_Oh god. Bella's dying._

I rushed forward flinging myself towards the tub as fast as vampire possible. My shoulders rammed into the wall, leaving little dents. I reached down into the water and found her shoulders; I pulled her up out of the water. Her head lulled back against my shoulder, and her body was completely relaxed. I didn't know what to do. She wasn't breathing and her heart seemed to be failing. I took in a deep breath. I laid her down on the floor, tilted her head back, opened her mouth and blew air into her mouth. The whole CPR thing was new to me, and I hoped it would work. I took another deep breath and blew it into her mouth. I did it a couple more times before I heard the faint intake of breath. I looked down at Bella and realized she had started breathing on her own faintly but on her own none the less. I touched her left wrist and realized they were barely bleeding now. I hoped that was how it would stay. I held Bella close to my chest, and turned to look at Alice.

"Get out. Her blood is causing you 'pain' obviously. Save yourself the trouble." I told her softly.

Alice looked as if she was in real pain. I could see it in her eyes. She looked at me before nodding. She turned around quickly and left. I looked down at Bella. I was scared for her. I didn't want her to die; I don't think I could take it. Without her the Cullen/Hale family would fall apart, she was the glue that held us all together; she had became such a major part of our lives... My eyes filled with tears that I knew could never fall. I hugged her close to me and gently rocked her back and forth against me; my shirt staining an ugly red.

"Emmett?" I heard Carlisle's voice yell out. My head shot up quickly; I had to say... thank GOD for cell phones.

"I'm in the bathroom. Hurry."

Carlisle came bursting through the door a black leather satchel in hand. He looked around the room. First his eyes stopped on the broken mirror and the glass lying below it covered in a puddle of blood. His eyes followed the stream of blood to the bathtub. He gasped at seeing the blood red water; finally his eyes shifted to me sitting in front of the tub, covered in Bella's blood holding her in my arms. He rushed over and immediately had me lay her on the floor so he could examine her. I scooted back against the wall; I wasn't for sure if I would have been able to make it to the door. I watched as Carlisle took her left wrist in his hand then the right. I had no clue as to what he was doing. He put her hand down and began pulling things out of his satchel.

"Emmett I need you to leave the room. I know you're worried about her, but I need space. Go out in the sitting room and wait with the others."

I started to protest but then thought better of it. If my leaving the room helped him save Bella then I would do it. I walked out of the room my shoulders hunched forward. I stared at the floor as I made my way down the hall towards the sitting room.

"Emmett, honey are you okay?" Esme's soft voice sounded out around the room.

I looked up, I wanted to smile and say everything is fine but I knew it would be a lie and so would everyone else. She rushed over to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Bella..." My voice broke. I really didn't know if she would be able to live. At least I didn't know if she would be able to live without being turned into a vampire.

Esme pulled back from me and looked me in the eye. "Bella will be fine. Bella will be fine." She repeated, as if trying not only to reassure me, but also reassure heself.

"Alice will she be alright?"

"I don't know. Her future is flickering. She doesn't know why she should live." Alice paused. "If she is turned into a vampire, the one thing I do see is her running to the Voultri asking to be killed and they accept, for they know what she will do if they deny her, her wish."

"You're lying. You have to be." I was hoping beyond reason that she was lying.

"I wish I was."

As I was about to say something else Carlisle walked into the room. His shirt was covered in blood and was soaking wet. He took a deep breath as if calming nerves. He ran his hands through his hair and looked at us all.

"Is Bella alright? Is she going to be?" I wanted to know... no I needed to know.

"I have examined Bella. I stitched her wounds on her wrists, and got her to stop bleeding. I gave her some blood thinners, but beyond that without possible harm to her I can't do anything." Carlisle wouldn't look me in the eye as he told us.

"What is her chance of survival without one of us changing her?" Jasper asked. I was wondering the same thing.

"Without a miracle...she won't live...even if we bite her... it's all up to her now... she has to decide for herself if she wants to live...or die..."


	4. Chapter 4

_**(Still Emmett's POV) **_

I sat on the window seat in the sitting room, thinking about Bella. Would I have to change her? Would she want me to change her? I thought about what she had told me earlier today and how I should have responded to her; but how was I supposed to tell her yeah I love you too when I had just been with Rosalie for what... 60 years? I love Bella; that's a fact...but was I in love with her, I couldn't tell you. I was hoping beyond belief she would get better but Carlisle said himself that was highly unlikely. I heard footsteps coming down the hall from the master bedroom where they had moved Bella so she could be as comfortable as possible when she woke up. They were all in there with her; Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Jasper...and where was I? Hiding; from what? I couldn't tell you.

"Emmett?" I heard Alice's soft voice float into the room.

"I'm in here." I looked back over my shoulder to see Alice step into the doorway. I smiled at her and turned back around.

"Why aren't you sitting in there with Bella like the rest of us?"

"I just need to...think." I sighed and looked out at the tall buildings of New York.

"I know what's going on. Jasper told me everything, and by looking at things I'm just guessing you didn't return her feelings..." Here she paused. "Why don't you go sit with her?"

"Is she still unconscious?" If she was awake, I don't think I would be able to look at her. The memory alone won't go away. I don't think I would ever be able to look her in the eye.

"Yes, she is. Emmett what's going on with you? This isn't like you." She came over and sat beside me, holding me in a severe gaze.

"Truthfully, I don't know. When Bella told me everything earlier, my emotions were all over the place. I didn't know what I felt; hell I still don't know what my feelings are." I sighed. "I don't want her to get hurt again."

"You don't want her to get hurt? Or you don't want to be the one getting hurt?"

"Of Couse I don't want to get hurt, who would? It's just I don't want to be the one doing the hurting." My shoulders slumped.

"Go sit with her, talk to her. Even if she isn't awake I'm sure talking will help you figure out what you truly feel for her, and plus I think she can hear you. And even if she may not be able to hear you you'll be looking at her and it all might just spill out. You might figure everything , I know you might think you are moving on fast, but don't cheat yourself. You know as well as I do that you and Rosalie haven't been the same for years...Now; Go on." She stood up, grabbed my hand, pulled me up, and then pushed me in the direction from which she came.

I turned around smiled and said "Thanks."

"No problem, now go on. Tell everyone to give you some privacy. If they have any qualms about it tell them I will take them all shopping for three days. They should get out then." She smiled and motioned for me to walk on.

I turned around and walked down the hall. I paused at the double doors, hoping I could give myself some reassurance. I put my hand on the door knobs and pushed open the doors. Carlisle sat on the bed beside Bella's head, her wrist in his hand his eyes on his watch. Jasper sat in the corner holding his head up on his hands, and Esme sat at Bella's bedside brushing her hair away from her face.

"Um, everyone do you guys think you could give me a few minutes alone?" Everyone looked up at me as I walked into the door.

"Sure. Carlisle, Jasper come on." Esme was always my favorite, always so accepting and supportive. I really needed to tell her that.

I smiled as I watched Esme pull Carlisle and Jasper out the door. I turned around and looked at Bella. Her pale skin against the tan silk sheets made her look like an angel. I walked over to her bed and sat. I looked at her face and noticed that it looked as if her lower lip was shaking. I hesitantly reached out and stroked the side of her face. I noticed as she visibly relaxed under my touch. Just seeing her relax under my touch sent my heart into overdrive.

"Bella, I know I should have said something when you told me how you felt, but I guess you didn't realize that I just got out of a relationship that I was in for like 60 years. Not only was I dealing with feeling for Rosalie that I am just starting to get over, but I'm taking in information that you might have feelings for me. It's a lot to take in. That sounds odd I know but its the truth. Looking at you now I... I love you Bella, I always have; hell, we all love you; you're one of us in every way that it counts beside you being human... Am I in love with you? Well, I think I could fall for you, if you give me a chance. But you have to wake up; you can't just give up, not like that." I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

I knew I was going to sit with her until she woke up, until after she was changed, or until she died... Whichever came first…

_**3 weeks later **_

Bella had yet to wake up, after the first week, we all had decided that Bella needed to be in a hospital so we made up some story that she slipped and fell into the shower door and it shattered and cut her up pretty bad. They believed it, especially when we had to reopen the wounds before we took her. Carlisle told them she needed to be transferred across country to Forks Washington the doctors almost passed out. They asked us so many questions it was insane. We finally got them to get her a jet that moves patients closer to home. Carlisle called Forks hospital and had them prepare the helicopter to meet the jet in Seattle. So now we had finally made it back to Forks. It was a Friday, and as I have been for the past 3 weeks I was sitting at Bella's bedside. Every passing moment I was hoping beyond hope she would wake up so I could tell her I love her and I want to get to know her better than everyone.

"Bella, you have to wake up. Alice needs you to keep her sane, Carlisle needs you so he has a challenge, Esme needs you so she can mother you and talk to you again, Jasper needs you and your out of control emotions, but most of all I need you. I need you so I can tell you I love you, so I can hold you, talk to you. I need you to wake up Bella." I grabbed her hand and brushed the side her face. Looking for any sign of her possibly waking up; a twitch of the hand, a finger moving, a toe, anything, yet still she layed, no movement. I sighed and rose from seat and started walked towards the window.

I heard the door open and I turned around to watch Charlie walk into the room.

"Hi Charlie."

He looked over at me and told me hello. He was used to me being here by now. Every time he comes I'm already here, at first he had his qualms about it, but after a few days he got over it. I watched him walk over to Bella and kiss her forehead. I felt a twinge of jealousy but I got over it. I mean he's her father; it's his right I guess. He sat down in the chair I had been in previously and talked to her for a little while. I lost interest in what he was saying and looked out at the parking lot. I watched people come in and out of the hospital until I heard someone moving around behind me.

"Emmett, I know you're a good guy and all, but what are you doing here all the time?" He gave me a critical look.

"Truthfully, Charlie, Edward cheated on Bella with Rosalie. You know Rosalie and I were together right?" He nodded. "I walked in on them. Edward lied to Bella and told her he was going camping by himself when really he was going to Alaska to meet Rosalie. She told us she was going to Paris but she lied as well." I couldn't look Charlie in the face.

"Bella knows that doesn't she?" I looked up to see Charlie looking between Bella and I with pity.

"Yeah, everyone thought it best if I told her. So I did. Charlie, I know you hate Edward but just know the rest of us aren't like him. We love Bella; I love Bella." At that moment I wanted to kill myself for saying that to Charlie. I was almost positive Charlie wanted me to drop dead at that very moment.

Charlie looked at me for a minute; he walked over to me slapped me on the shoulder." Emmett, I realize you're not like Edward. Does Bella know you love her?"

"I don't think so."

"Tell her." Was all he said before he turned around and walked out the door.

I stood there in a stunned silence before walking over to Bella's bed.

"Bella, you have to wake up. I have told you time and time again to wake up. I need you. Bella I love you." With that I leaned down and kissed Bella's soft lips.

**(A/N: Okay, so this is the fourth chapter. I am so sorry it took so long for me to write this, my computer messing up, then I got a major case of writers block. So what did you think? I am already in the process of writing the 5th chapter so it should be up soon.)**


	5. Chapter 5

**(Bella POV)**

**Dream like state.**

I could hear voices; voices calling out to me. I could hear them pleading with me to wake up. While one voice was telling me to follow the light and I would be okay another voice sounded off telling me to follow it and I would see the ones I loved again. The second voice sounded so familiar yet I couldn't place it. The voice comforted me; it pushed me to want to follow it. Yet, I needed no persuasion if I was going to get to see everyone again. Slowly, I followed the voice; weaving in and out of a maze like structure. It was dark, but it looked like it was getting a little bit lighter around every corner. I was terrified of the dead ends; like I was going to die if I went near one. At the end of the maze like structure a wide open space flowed out in front of me. I stood there for a moment staring into the bright gleaming light which stood before me. The light started to fade as I stepped closer to it. The farther in I went the less light was there. I wasn't for sure if I liked the dark or not; but I kept going. I started to see something forming ahead of me, but I was so far away I couldn't figure out what I was seeing. Ten minutes or so after that I saw it; a comfortable La-Z-Boy Allegra chair. The only reason I even knew the name was because Alice just had to buy it for me a couple of months ago. In front of the chair a screen dangled from a ceiling I couldn't see. It was as if the strings were completely invisible. It was like magic; but even I knew magic didn't exist. I know I shouldn't say that since at first I didn't think Vampires and Werewolves were real either, but what can I say. Even that seems a little out there.

I sat in the comfortable chair and relaxed. The screen came alive. I couldn't see the projector lights anywhere so I just "assumed" it was like a flat screen TV...a very large image of a woman appeared. The woman along with her surroundings looked really similar yet I couldn't place them until I saw the pictures on the night stand next to a full size bed. It was a picture of Charlie, mom, and me that sat on Charlie's bedside table for as long as I could remember. (If you haven't figured it out by now its Charlie's room.)

**FILM**

"Charlie get away from me. I look ridiculous." My mom said curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed.

"Renee. Please roll over. One glimpse of your beautiful face won't kill me or Bella." Charlie said.

"Of course it won't kill Bella. She is the one who drew on my face in the first place."

"Renee."

Mom became stiff for a second before rolling over. Charlie was biting his lip so hard I could see a little pool of blood forming under his tooth. (Bella is 4) I was jumping up and down in front of Charlie as hyper active as any 4 year old girl would be, squealing away at something I had done. I remembered that day. Mom had been taking her nap as was usual back then. While she had been asleep I had ran into the bathroom and rounded up all of the colorful makeup she had. I had wanted to try and (in my 4 year old words) "Make mommy look like a pretty colorful fairy." (Like Tinkerbell in Peter Pan.) I had smeared neon blue eye shadow all over mom's eyes and under her eyes. (Why she had neon blue eye shadow I still don't know.) Her lips and most of her chin and cheeks were in a bright pink lipstick. I had also "sprinkled" (more like poured) different colored glitter into her hair. (It took her an entire week to get the glitter out of her hair.)

"Mommy's pretty." I squealed bouncing on the end of the bed.

"Yes, mommy's very pretty; even if she doesn't think so." Charlie said before leaning down to kiss her.

**END OF FILM**

The screen went blank for a moment before starting back up again. It went on for hours and hours film after film. Phil and Renee's wedding, my first day of high school, the first day in Forks high when I first saw Edward, through many films of just me and Edward. Then to the most painful yet; the conversation with me an Emmett where I found out Edward had been cheating and it was because of me. I was terrified as I watched as I sunk down into the floor in the bathroom after putting my fist through a mirror. What made my fear worsen was the fact I slit my wrists. I couldn't stand to watch any more of the film. My blood ran cold as I watched, my heart constricted as I realized Emmett had just stood there and let it happen. I wanted it to quit. I didn't want to see anymore, I wanted the pain to end.

"STOP." I screamed curling up into myself in the chair, covering my face from the happenings on screen. All of a sudden a gust of wind blew around me. I looked up in time to see everything around me become a blur around me. I stood up and looked back in time to see the chair I had once been sitting in begin to swirl around like everything else in the room. It was like being in the middle of a tornado. Except nothing was flying through the air. It was as if the chair and screen were turned into sand and blown around like little individual grains of sand. I looked up above me and watched as everything got brighter and brighter. I could hear voices becoming louder one was a deep male voice; the other a squealing girl (woman?). I felt a jolt and the air was knocked out of my lungs like a fist to the chest. I was knocked backwards; lying on the cold stone ground. I didn't attempt to get back up. A sudden wave of unconsciousness came over me and my eyes closed shut.

**End of Dream like state.**

I woke with a jolt. I looked around and noticed right off the bat that I was in a hospital bed. The room was way too bright so I just had to say something.

"TURN OUT THE LIGHTS." That noise...that wasn't my voice. It was all scratchy, weak even. I was talking minutes ago. I was sure of it.

I looked down at the IV which was sticking out of my arm. An oxygen tube went into my nose, making it uncomfortable to breath. It was when I was looking at my IV that I noticed them. Two deep slits down both wrists following the vein almost down to my elbow. What had I done? I laid perfectly still, looking around the room. Emmett had his back to my bed looking out the large window that overlooked the parking lot. **(A/N: She was in this hospital room before. Bear with me.)**

So I said again. "Turn OUT the LIGHTS."

Emmett's head shot around; looking at me frozen stiff.

"Bella?" He stepped forward."Y-you... you're awake." He ran forward at human pace. Only slowing when he got to my bedside and sat down.

I looked at him for a brief moment. "What...are...YOU...doing...here..?"

**(A/N: Okay, this took me forever to write. I hope this is a good chapter. The first version I wrote was a lot better I will admit, but sadly it was deleted when my laptop went berserk. So tell me what you think. Should I delete this chapter and write it another way or leave it as is? Til next time. kalenapaige93 over an out! haha; )**


	6. Chapter 6

**(Still Bella's POV)**

I looked up into Emmett's eyes. Worry and fear shown in his eyes. My heart beat faster, louder even. I knew he could hear it pounding in my chest. My head was spinning with the different possibilities of what he could say.

"Bella, do you remember what happened?" Emmett said stiffly. I nodded. " Only god knows what you must think of me..."

"Why did you just... stand there?" I asked. "You didn't even try to stop me. Nor did Alice and Jasper. Out of all of you Jasper is the only one with a major excuse. But Alice... she just stood there then ran out. You just stood there the entire time. DOING NOTHING. Am I that much of a bother to you people? Do you want me dead?"

I heard a loud beeping sound and looked over to see my heart monitor going haywire. My blood pressure began rising. I closed my eyes and took deep, even breaths.

"Bella, you were never and will never be a bother to any of us." Emmett said quickly. "And for your information we DO want you dead."

I sat there in shock. What the hell was he saying? I'm not a bother yet they all want me dead. "wh..."

"Bella, we want you with us for all eternity. We NEVER want to see you buried 6 feet underground lying in a casket. Especially me. If anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I would do." Emmett paused. "Bella. When I saw you put your fist through the mirror and then turn around and slit your wrists... I almost went crazy. My mind was going crazy but I was literally scared stiff. I didn't know what to do, I was in shock. So, I called Carlisle and told him what was going on. He told me to let you calm down and said he was on his way. I thought you would calm down enough so I could help you; but it just got worse. Bella, when you were submerged in that water, I almost went mad. If my heart did beat at that moment it would have stopped dead. I heard your heart stop and I finally realized you were actually dying, so I pulled you out. By that time I pulled you out Carlisle was there. Bella, you... do you know how long you were unconscious?"

"No."

"It's been over a month. After the first week we decided to fly you back here to Forks. Charlie's been here every day visiting. He has pushed himself into his work. He rarely goes home. Your mom left Phil and has been here with has put all of her energy into coming here and completely redoing Charlie's house with Esme just to have her mind preoccupied. She's been trying so hard to not think about why you're in here. I don't blame her in the slightest. The bad thing is that I CAN'T stop thinking about it. It keeps playing over and over in my head and it won't stop." Emmett walked back over to the window and looked out.

I looked at him for a minute. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Haven't you figured it out yet?"

I shook my head in confusion. "No."

"Bella, you're not that slow. But... if you can't figure it out by now I guess I'll have to tell you. Bella I'm in love with you. I haven't left you in a month. I have had 720 hours to think about things. I have had 720 hours to get over Rosalie. I've had 720 hours to fall completely in love with you."

"What?"

"You heard me."

I raised my hand and waved him back over to me. He looked pensive for a moment before walking back. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down onto the bed. I tried to raise myself up into a sitting position but my arms started to shake before they gave out completely. My upper body felt as if it was on fire. Like my muscles were being burned and ripped. I grimaced slightly

"Bella... what's wrong?"

"It hurts. Make it stop."

"Bella hold on I'll go get Carlisle."

I heard Emmett open the door and run out.

"WHERE IS MY DAD?" He could be so loud sometimes.

"Bella NEEDS him NOW." I could hear his thunderous footsteps heading back towards my room. "Bella, Carlisle is coming. Hold on."

My blood felt as if it was boiling in my veins. I could practically hear my heart pounding in my chest. I took deep even breaths in hopes that it would lessen the pain a little. I can defiantly say it didn't work. Emmett had my hand in his rubbing his thumb across my palm.

"What's wrong with me?" The pain was getting worse, my stomach was burning. It was an uncomfortable ache.

I heard the door open and someone's feet glide along the floor in a quick pace.

"Bella what hurts?" It was Carlisle.

"Everything hurts. It's burning."

I felt a cool hand on my forehead; I leaned farther in hoping some of the coolness would wash over my flaming skin.

"Bella, you heart rate has accelerated and your temperature has sky-rocketed. I am going to give you some medicine and an ice bath in attempt to get your temperature down. I called Charlie and Renee just in case. If your temperature doesn't go down you're going to die. I'm not going to sugar coat anything, what you did was careless and completely reckless, now I'm not mad at you but I am disappointed. We all love you, and you are a part of this family for eternity, and if you don't know that by now, then we failed you... Now, I need to know that if a choice has to be made; do you want to be turned." I opened my eyes slightly and looked up at Carlisle.

I looked over at Emmett to see his eyes flickering between me and the heart monitor. "Yes." His eyes shot up to mine. His lips were twitching slightly till he actually let the smile which he was trying to hide. "Emmett can you do it?" I paused to catch my breath. "Can you change me?"

"More than likely...but you will at least want Carlisle there if it I can't stop, that as the only possibility." Emmett sighed. "I just hope you get better so you can be turned by choice not force."

"Even if I don't get better being turned will still be my choice. I would rather be turned on my death bed than die." I told him.

Emmett leaned down putting his cool hand on my warm cheek before kissing me quickly. "Get better."

"Bella, I'm going to give you some morphine to ease the pain. Have you had morphine before?" Carlisle asked.

"Yeah, many times." I sighed.

"I'll have one of the nurses administer it." With that said Carlisle turned around swiftly before exiting through the door.

A nurse came in and got Emmett to help her getting me into a wheelchair.

"Sweetie we are going to give you an ice bath okay? It will be very cold but you'll have to let the water lower your temperature." The nurse looked at Emmett and told him that he was to stay here rather than go with me. It took a while, I was frozen solid. Yet, they kept telling me my temperature wouldn't go down. Carlisle came into the room after the nurses decided to dress me.

"Bella, next when you get back up to your room I'm going to have one of the nurses give you some medicine. If that doesn't work... be prepared to say goodbye." Carlisle had one of the nurses take me back up to my room where Emmett lifted me out of the wheelchair and put me back in talked for a few minutes.

Emmett pulled the chair he was sitting in closer to me. I smiled at him and squeezed his hand tightly. I looked over at the door in time to see the nurse come in with a cart.

"Ms. Swan, here is your shot of morphine you can get it every 6 hours but no sooner, I'm also giving you the new medicinec the doc prescribed. Also are you up for some guests?" The nurse smiled.

"Yeah, I'm up for it."

"You can come in now." The nurse said loud enough for the people outside to hear her. I looked to the door in time to see Charlie, Renee, Esme, Alice, and to my immediate surprise Jasper come walking in.

"Hey everyone." I smiled slightly.

"BELLA." Charlie and Renee ran over to either side of the bed kissing my forehead and cheeks. Tears sprang to my eyes.

"Mom, dad, I'm so so so sorry." I cried.

"It's okay, don't worry. Honey, are you okay?" Renee asked.

"Carlisle didn't tell you?" I would have thought Carlisle would have told them

"Carlisle thought it would be easier for them and for you if YOU told them. "Emmett said quietly.

"Told us what?" Charlie had fear in his eyes.

"I...I..."

"Bella, do you want me to tell them?" Emmett came over to me and grabbed my hand in his.

"Y-yes." I tried to breathe evenly, but it was hard...and painful.

"Earlier today, Bella started to feel a lot of pain all over her body. Carlisle came in and realized her temperature was way too high and he put her in an ice bath." Emmett paused; looking at me holding both of my parent's hands. "Her temperature didn't go down. He then decided to try some medication."

"And?" Renee had a wild look in her eye. It was fear.

"There's no easy way to say this. He said if the medication doesn't work she _will_ die." Emmett looked down at the floor.

Renee started to shake; Charlie grabbed my hands in his as tears started to roll down his face. Renee was worrying me as she started to move back farther and farther till she was at the door. I looked over to see Alice looking oddly blank besides the odd twitch of her lip. She knew something I was sure. Jasper looked to be sad as if holding back tears the emotions were clearly getting to him. Esme looked sad yet something else sparkled in her eyes.

"I want to hear it straight from Carlisle." Renee said in a shaky breath.

"Okay, I'll go get him." Esme turned around and walked out the door moving Renee out of the way.

A few minutes later Esme returned with Carlisle in tow. Carlisle sat Renee in a chair and beckoned Charlie to join them. Carlisle calmly explained to them exactly what Emmett had said but with more detail. When he was finished he came over to me and checked my temperature.

"Well, it's not gone down. I'll give the medicine a few more hours see how things go. Bella, how are you feeling?"

"Not so great." In truth, my head hurt, my chest hurt, everything hurt.

"Well, get some rest. You'll need it." With that Carlisle turned around and left through the door.

I looked over to Renee to see her in Charlie's arms. A sight I hadn't seen in years. I was feeling quite tired so I relaxed back into my pillow. Emmett grabbed my hand kissing my knuckles. "Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."


	7. Chapter 7

**(BPOV)**

My eyes fluttered open straining against the gleaming sunlight shining through the open curtains. _Wait_ I thought _open curtains? SUNLIGHT? Emmett?_ I shot up in bed my IV tugging at the tape on my wrist. I looked around at the empty room. There was no Emmett. He promised me he would be here when I woke up. I couldn't believe he lied to me. I could definitely say one thing though; he was in for it when he got back...from wherever he was. I laid my head back down, turning slightly to touch the button on the side of the bed to buzz the nurse.

"Yes?" A nurse asked.

"I think I'm ready for more morphine." I said.

"Are you in anymore pain?" The woman asked softly.

"It's gotten a little worse." I told her.

"One of the nurses will be there shortly."

"Thank you."

I lay back against the pillows breathing in as evenly as possible. I sighed and looked out the window watching the clouds slowly roll by. My head began to throb painfully with the sun gleaming into the room reflecting off the picture frames hanging diligently on the wall. A few minutes later a nurse came strutting into the room holding a shot of morphine that she would inject into my IV.

"Good morning!" The nurse said with a slight giggle.

"Hi."

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay I guess." I lied.

The nurse looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "Truth."

"My entire body is on fire." I said with a sigh. "Could you shut the curtains?"

"Of course." The nurse walked over to the window and pulled the dark burgundy curtains shut.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." The nurse said.

"Have you seen Dr. Cullen's' son Emmett? The big muscular one." I asked.

"I have actually." The nurse replied. "Earlier this morning he came out to the nurses' station and told us he was meeting up with some of his family. He said something about Rosalie. I think that was her name. Anyway, he told us he would be back in a few hours and asked us to keep watch on you."

"You're sure he said _Rosalie_?" I gasped; my heart tearing into small bloody pieces.

"Positive."

I took a deep breath. "Is Dr. Cullen here?"

"Yes. He came in an hour ago." She said.

"Get him."

"Excuse me?" She looked at me in confusion.

"Get Carlisle. I'm dying and in a serious amount of pain." I snapped. "So, would you do a dying girl a favor and GO GET CARLISLE CULLEN."

The nurse took off running down the hall screaming for Carlisle as she went. My hands started shaking and I could feel the beads of sweat roll down my forehead and into my eyes burning them. I laid there feeling the pain burn hotter and hotter in my veins. My blood boiled making me hiss in pain. I took slow even breaths. The pain slowly becoming less and less. A few seconds later Carlisle came running into the room.

"Bella, how do you feel?" He walked over to me listening to my heartbeat.

"Horrid. I am burning up and it hurts to breath."

Carlisle went on asking question after question. When he was done he stood at the foot of my bed writing things down on the chart in his hand.

"Carlisle...where is Emmett?" Carlisle looked up from his chart, shifting slightly from one foot to another. His eyes looking everywhere but at me.

"Umm... he went home." Carlisle said.

"Why did he go _home _Carlisle?"

"To change clothes." Carlisle was lying. It was obvious since his eyes were going black.

"_Just_ to change clothes?" I asked. "It had nothing to do with _"Rosalie"_?"

"You should talk to him about this."

"Carlisle, please. If my hearts about to be broken again I need to be prepared." I said my eyes filling with tears.

Carlisle sighed, sitting on the side of my bed and grabbing my hand. "Bella... Rosalie came back last night...with Edward. Esme and I sat down with them and we explained to them what's happened. Edward; as you can already guess didn't take it too well. He got very upset, throwing things, yelling, and some pacing was involved. Rosalie on the other hand just sort of sat there staring at the wall." He paused. "Rosalie broke up with Edward when she snapped out of her daze."

"And now she wants Emmett back?" My body was shaking with sobs making the pain I was in worse.

"I don't know. She asked Esme to call Emmett and tell him to come to the house. We called and they've been locked away in their...I mean Emmett's room ever since he got to the house."

My body was shaking even worse than before. The pain was becoming over whelming with tears flowing down my face. My eyes started to sting, my arms and legs became too hard to lift. I wanted to die and hopefully not be saved this time. My heart hurt worse than it did when I found out what Edward did. I was burning up and I didn't know how much more of it my body could handle.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked franticly. "Bella can you hear me?"

I closed my eyes tightly; hissing in pain. _Not again, _I thought, _this can't happen to me again. _

"Why...does this always...happen...to me?" I gasped sucking in as much air as my lungs allowed me.

"Bella hang on." Was the last thing I heard before blackness consumed me.

**(AN: Hey everyone! Okay so here is the latest chapter! Now I need some help. Please got to my profile and take a look at the poll and help me decide on what should happen next. I was going to have this chapter be longer, but I didn't know what should happen. I know in a way what I might do but to me it's important to know what you guys think I should do. Also, please review and tell people about my story! I return the favor if you have a story you want me to read!)**


	8. Chapter 8

Bella's POV

I tried to open my eyes to see what was going on but I couldn't. All I could do was lay here in the hospital bed and listen to the things going on around me. I could hear people in the room talking in low voices next to the bed. I could feel someone else's hand latched onto mine; I could hear feet walking back and forth across the floor. I wanted to wake up and see who these people were. I wanted to wake up and tell them to go away. I wanted to wake up and tell them to take out the IV's, turn off the heart monitors, and let me die instead of going between consciousness and unconsciousness. I was through with life and this time I was going to let everyone know it. The pain of Edward leaving me was bad, but then Emmett going BACK to Rosalie was worse. I wasn't dying from the attempted suicide... oh no, I was dying from a broken heart. From a heart that had repeatedly been broken by the men I thought cared about me. But I realized; they didn't care about me. I was just a game, a pathetic, weak human that the Cullen men could play with until they got tired of me and tossed me to the side.

I could feel someone's cool breath on the side of my face. I could hear the soft whispers in my ear. I could feel someone squeezing my hand every so often.

"Bella. You have to wake up." The voice in my ear was a masculine voice. "What you must think of me. Wake up so you can get the full story. From all of us. Alice hasn't gone near a mall or computer since you were brought here. Jasper can't be near any of us longer than a few seconds. Esme won't leave the hospital. Your mom, she rarely leaves this room. Bella. You have to wake up."

I knew that voice, yet my brain was so fogged up I couldn't tell who the voice belonged to.

"WAKE UP." I yelled. No one heard me, how could they. I was stuck in between consciousness and unconsciousness. Neither among the living nor among the dead. I knew Carlisle put me on some kind of medication; that's just how he is. I guess if I was conscious then I would be in pain, but right now I would rather be in pain than be trapped inside my own mind.

-Emmett's POV-

I looked down at Bella for any sign of life. A twitch of the hand, anything to give me hope that she would wake up. I had to tell her the truth, I talk to her regularly in hopes that she would wake up or that it would help, but Carlisle says it's of no use. He says she can't hear me, or anyone else that's been talking to her.

"No change?" A voice said from behind me.

I turned around to see Rosalie standing against the wall staring at Bella's still form.

"No. She will wake up though. I know it. She has to." I paused, taking in a deep breath. "Everything would be fine if you and Edward had stayed away. She wouldn't have attempted suicide and she wouldn't have had that damn heart attack." I yelled.

"You can't blame all of it all on me and Edward." She said in a calm voice that only made the rage I felt get worse.

"Then who am I going to blame? If you and Edward hadn't fucked around Bella wouldn't have tried to fucking KILL HERSELF. EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE, BUT NO, YOU AND EDWARD HAD GO AND RUIN EVERYTHING BY HAVING SEX. IT WAS YOU AND EDWARD WHO TORE OUR FAMILY APART. IT WAS YOU AND EDWARD WHO CHEATED, AND IT WAS YOU AND EDWARD WHO BROKE UP A MARRAIGE AND AN ENGAGEMENT." I had had it. " I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE. I DON'T WANT YOU HERE WHEN BELLA WAKES UP."

Rosalie looked up at me in shock. "E..Emm...Emmett. I... I just... wanted to feel...again. W...we were fighting... al..all the time. Edward... and Be...Bella never fought. So I...I just...I just thought that-"

"What? Just thought that if you interfered in their relationship that it would help ours?" I paused. What the fuck was going through her head? "Is that it?"

"NO! Every time Bella was around, you got this look on your face as if you had just seen an angel or something. I was JEALOUS of the looks you were giving her. Those very looks that you used to give ME." Rosalie's eyes were glazed, filled with tears that would never fall from her shining eyes.

"I'm sorry, but you know that what you've said won't change anything. I said it when we were back at the house and I'll say it again. I...WILL...NOT...TAKE...YOU...BACK." I was starting to get annoyed.

"I know." Rosalie whispered. "I just wanted the happiness she had. I mean, if I'm damned for eternity then why can't I at least be happy? That's all I wanted."

"So what? You thought you could step into their relationship, take advantage of Edward when his wanting Bella's body was at its peak, and share in their happiness without any repercussions what-so-ever?" I looked at her, wondering if that was really what she thought.

"I guess... at first that's what I thought at least... but the guilt got to Edward. To me too for that matter. So, we thought that if we left it would be easier..." Rosalie stood at the front of Bella's bed, looking at her face.

"You thought it would be easier for Bella and me? Or for the two of you?" I asked.

"All of us. We thought it would be easier for the two of us to get over our guilt and for the two of you to move on and forgive us of our wrong doing..." Rosalie looked down playing with her wedding band which she still wore on her ring finger; but on her right hand. "But I know that probably won't happen now... what with Bella being like this and all."

"I don't know when, if ever, I'll be able to forgive you. I don't even know if Bella will be able to forgive you. You should have just told us instead of just up and leaving like you did. I want to know one thing... Back at the house why didn't you tell me all of this instead of asking me to come back to you? Why did you ask? You know I wouldn't actually come back to you. I told you years ago that the one thing I couldn't stand in a relationship is cheating. And that's EXACTLY what you did." I took a deep breath to calm myself so I would yell at her. "I might be able to be your friend again, but I'll NEVER trust you again."

Rosalie looked at me and smiled. "Well, we got farther than I thought we would."

"Yeah well, I wasn't exactly looking forward to this conversation." I told her looking down at Bella's pale face.

There was a moment's pause as both Rosalie and I stood by Bella's bedside watching her EKG. Her EKG was working rapidly which told both Rosalie and I that her brain function wasn't bothered by her mild heart attack. Now all we had to do was wait until she woke up. Now all we had to do was wait until she fought her way through the dark abyss of her mind.

(A/N: Okay. So here is the promised chapter. So what did you think? Was it good? Okay? Bad? Review please! For those who might not know. EKG is Electroencephalography which is the measurement of electrical activity produced by the brain which is recorded from electrodes placed on the scalp. I am already working on the 9th chapter so hopefully the wait for the next chapter won't be as long due to the fact that there isn't going to be as much going on in my life as there has been hopefully... and the fact that I know NOT to attempt writing in Carlisle's POV since I would drive myself insane trying to do it. :) )


	9. Chapter 9

(A/N: Finally, my new chapter is posted! As always, please review at the end and tell me what you think!)

Bella's POV

I didn't know anything anymore… I was unsure of everything, what would happen if I went back? Could I take the pain I was always in? Could I trust that Emmett wouldn't hurt me again? Could I trust that I wouldn't get hurt again period? All these questions were running through my head and I had no answers. I would get snippets of what people were saying around me, but never was I able to hear everything said to me and around me. Being trapped in my mind, I was able to reflect on everything, all of my relationships with Charlie, Renee, Carlisle, Alice, Esme, Jasper, Emmett, even Edward and Rosalie. I was able to really dissect how I was feeling, what I was thinking, I was able to reflect on how I reacted to everything in the long run.

While reflecting, I began to think about my cutting and I realized something. It wasn't a suicide attempt; it was an escape from everything awful. When I cut, I'm in control - I make my own pain and I can stop it whenever I want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in my mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker. At the same time though, I also realized that even if cutting did dull out the pain, I needed to dull the pain of everyday life another way. Cutting wasn't the way to handle things, if I was able to wake up, I didn't want to cut myself all the time because the pain of living was too much. It wasn't worth it.

I also realized that killing myself because I wasn't enough for a man wasn't worth it. Just because some guy didn't want me didn't mean that everyone felt the same way towards me. I realized that just because I wasn't enough for Edward and that a lot of the time I was a burden to him, didn't mean that Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett felt I was a burden. I knew somewhere deep down, that they all loved me. Why would I try to take my life and leave all of them behind? They loved me, they felt like I was a part of the family; they said so themselves. Would they forgive me for this? I was beginning to realize a lot. Though I felt heart break, it shouldn't make me want to die. I knew that everyone has, at some point in their life, had their heart broken by some complete prick. Why I felt I wanted to die because of it; was hard to figure out. I knew I was a person who jumped into the relationship way too fast, I fell for Edward hard, and I know I put all of my trust into him way too early. I realized that I needed to have more time for myself, and not have my life revolve around a guy. My every thought somehow involved Edward, even my dreams did. Realizing that opened up to me the fact that I had made him the reason of my existence. Then I knew just what a mistake I had made.

All of a sudden, the darkness with which I was trapped in changed. Light began to surround me; a weightlessness sensation began to flood over my being. I didn't know what was happening, was I moving on to the afterlife? As much as I tried and begged to die before, and how much I yearned for death, now that I had re-evaluated everything I knew, I recognized the fact that life; my life, was too precious to me to end. I needed to live, experience life for a few more years before I wanted to change. I was so ready to be changed before, just so Edward wouldn't have to be so cautious, and just so he wouldn't want to leave me like he did when he left for the Volturi, that I overlooked the most important thing; the people that would be affected. The Cullen's wanted me to be changed, but they also wanted me to experience life, and then there was Charlie with whom I had grown closer to over the last year. I didn't want to just up and leave him. It would be too cruel.

The light became blinding, and ahead of me the blank space began to fill up. Shapes began to form, as the lines began to come together. Color began to fill the empty shapes, and the more that came into being, I realized I was in a hospital room. Was I back? Apparently not, seeing as though I seemed to be in my hospital room, something seemed off. I looked around the room; the furniture seemed to be in the same place, the machines that I was hooked up to were running, but something was off. I got out of the bed, tugging on the IV chord to stretch out. I walked over to the window, expecting to see the view of the parking lot, but all I seen was darkness.

"Is there anyone here?" I asked. "Anyone at all?"

Suddenly a voice filled the room, echoing off of every surface. A figure stepped out of door, cloaked in white holding an old dream catcher. He stopped half-way across the room from where I was standing, just looking at me quietly as if he was studying me. He walked closer, the dream catcher swinging in his hand with every step. He came to a stop a few feet away from me, paused for a moment and then began to speak.

"Do not be alarmed. I am only here to ease your fears."

"Where exactly am I?" I asked.

"You are in between," He paused "You are in between life and death. You have visited here many times, though you always found your way back to life. The first time you came here you were 17; though you were not aware at the time because you were so close to death. The second time you were here was when Edward had left you. Why do you think you kept seeing Edward when you started to become reckless with your life? We realized if we; the in between, didn't intervene you would be joining us much too soon! We thought you would finally realize that you had purpose that you would need to find a new Edward so to speak. The third time you were here was when you had your mild heart attack; when you were seeing the memory flashes. We were helping you realize, yet again, that you had to live, that though there were bad times, there were also good times. We wanted you to realize just what you were trying to give up. You have a father that though he may seem distant, he loves you. You have a mother that absolutely adores you. The Cullen family have made you a part of their family, to Carlisle and Esme you are another daughter, to Alice and Jasper a sister, and you know what you mean to Emmett."

"Am I going to die? I'm not ready to die yet.. I've realized I need to live a few more years before I get changed."

"You have decided to get changed? What are your reasons this time?" he asked.

"Being completely honest, in a way the reasons are kind of the same, but not in the way you think." I paused for a moment. "Though I love my parents and my mortal friends, I never really fit in. I've always felt more comfortable, more at ease with the Cullen's. In a way I feel like I fit in more with them, like I don't have to hide who I really am. Before, the only reason I wanted to be changed was to be with Edward. I was being entirely selfish then and yeah, I'm being a little selfish in this new decision but, at the same time I'm not. The Cullen's want me changed too; they've said previously that they don't want to have to see me buried and dead. Alice has seen me as a vampire..." I said before I was interrupted by the man from the in between.

"Alice's vision has changed..."

"What? What do you mean her vision has changed? Do I die? Do I stay human? What?" I asked, a feeling of pure dread flooding over my being. " You can't just say her vision has changed and then stop."

" the vision she had of you, if you remember, was that you were changed and married for eternity to Edward. You are no longer with Edward therefore that vision is now void. You know they were never set in stone, it's what can be, not what will be." he stated, "you being changed is now up to you."

" Well, since I have decided that I want to be changed then, is that what fate is going to deal me?"

"you will have to find out."

"So I'm not going to cross over to death?" I asked.

"No. So, are you ready to go back?"

"yes, but I do have a question." I said.

"What is it?"

" vampires; can you tell me what happens when they are killed. Do they cross over or do they go to some form of hell?" I asked.

"That's a complicated question, with a complicated answer," Here he paused as if he was contemplating what to say next. "What I will say is this; the way Edward thought is correct, at least for some vampires. Carlisle's type, have a different ending, much more pleasant; because though he is a vampire he is more pure in heart, more companionate, and more sincere than any human. So, for those vampires like him we do let cross over."

"So, their souls aren't damned for all eternity like they think?" I asked.

"No, they aren't." he said, "So now, are you ready to go back?"

"Yes, I am."

He turned me to face the hospital bed, where lying there was me… He walked me over to where I was lying, I noticed how pale my complexion was, how frail I really looked. I had lost a lot of weight, to where I looked like nothing but skin and bones. All along I knew I had probably not looked my best, but I didn't think I would look this bad. The dark circles under my eyes could have been drawn on with a black sharpie and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. My hair had lost its natural shine and now looked unhealthy and not taken care of, my nails were brittle; my veins looked like they were popping out, if you looked close enough you could make out the shape of my bones. The man motioned for me to come closer to where my body was laying.

"Hold out your hand." He told me, as I did so he laid my hand (from my body that was lying on the bed) and placed it in mine, "Close your eyes, clear your thoughts. The only thing you need to think of is who you are going back to. Let those you care about take over your mind."

I cleared my mind, letting the faces of those closest to me take over my thoughts. The faces of Charlie, Renee, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett came before me. I thought about their smiles, and their laughter. I could hear something, a jingling sound, sort of like someone shaking keys and felt a slight breeze. I realized the man was moving, the dream catcher jingling in his hand as he moved around. I thought nothing of it and continued to concentrate on their faces, concentrating as hard as I could. I let my feelings for each of them take me over. Right then I began to feel something, I began to feel alive again, and I could feel the warmth on my skin, the slight breeze across my cheeks.

All of a sudden I felt the urge to open my eyes and look around me. As I did, I realized I had come back. I had come back to the land of the living. I was no longer trapped within the in-between plane. No longer was I with the man that held the dream catcher. I was amongst my family; I could sense them all around me. As my vision came back into focus and the hazy fog lifted from my mind, I began to see people. Charlie and Renee were huddled up together clinging to each other on one side of my bed; Carlisle was at the foot of my bed reading my medical charts with a grim look, Esme was staring out the window looking out into the distance while Alice and Jasper were standing in the doorway Jasper looking as if he was in pain, and Alice with a smile on her face just staring at me. Emmett was sitting on my bed, my hand grasped in his much larger one. He wasn't looking up at my face, no; he was looking at someone in front of him. I looked out of the corner of my eye and to my dismay saw Edward and Rosalie sitting in two chairs looking at the floor. I looked back to Emmett and slightly squeezed his hand to get his attention focused towards me. His eyes immediately went to look at my hand that he was holding, still not looking at my face like I wanted him to.

"Carlisle…" He said still focused on my hand, "Her hand…"

"What about her hand?"

"She squeezed my hand…" I squeezed it again as he was talking, his tone growing with more excitement as everyone in the room became focused on me, "She just did it again!"

"What?" Carlisle looked up from my chart, his eyes landing on my own. He sat the chart down and walked up to me. "Bella; can you hear me?"

I tried to speak but began to choke as something was blocking my airway. I realized then it must be a breathing tube for my throat burned and though I was breathing through my nose I felt air flowing in from my mouth. As I began to gag, Carlisle quickly put his hand on my arm as if to calm me and began to speak.

"Bella, calm yourself. I'm going to remove the breathing tube okay?"

I looked up to him and blinked as if to say I understood. I closed my eyes and as I felt the tube slide out I began to cough, my throat began to burn and it contracted. All of a sudden I seen a cup being lifted to my lips and heard my mother's voice, telling me to drink. I felt the cool water fall over my throat and cool the burning. I sighed in relief.

"Bella are you in any pain?" Carlisle asked as he flashed a smile my way, putting a small flashlight in front of my eyes to see if they properly dilated.

"No." My voice! It sounded so frail, so weak. It didn't sound like me. I tried to raise my hand to my throat but found my arm felt much too heavy for me to lift.

Carlisle must have seen my struggle for he began to explain that I had been unconscious for two days, and how my body was weakened from fighting off death. He explained that my body was so frail and weak because it was using the sugars and nutrients stored in my tissues to keep my brain and my heart working. I was told I was going to remain in the hospital for a couple of days at the most, for they wanted to be sure I wouldn't have another relapse, and they wanted to see if I could begin to gain weight back for I was much too light; and I had to agree with that. Carlisle told me if I could stay conscious and he could see I was going to be fine that he would allow me to be released but only so I could be taken to the Cullen's house for they thought I would be in far better comfort there than at home, and shockingly enough my parents agreed. After everything was explained, and the hugging and crying was over the Cullen's walked out of the room to give my parents and I time to talk alone. They told me they would be right out in the hallway and that they would gladly wait. As the last of them walked out of the room, my mother sat on the edge of my bed on my right and Charlie walked to sit at my other side. Charlie clasped my hand in his own; my mother was brushing my hair out of my face, both gazing at me deciding what to say to me.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt anyone…" I said, tears filling my eyes.

"It's okay. We're not mad at you Bella. You could have called and talked to me about what was going on though. You know you can tell me anything and I won't get upset." My mother said to me. "I'm not going to lie to you and say I'm not upset because I am. I'm saddened by the fact that you thought you had to resort to cutting to try to resolve the problems. I'm saddened by the fact that you felt you couldn't come to me with what was troubling you. If things were getting this bad you could have come back to visit me. You could have moved back in with Phil and me."

"I'm sorry." That was all that I could say it seemed.

"Bells," Charlie's eyes glistened with tears, and he seemed to be in some internal battle with what he wanted to say. "I know I'm not home all that often; but I can change that. I know that we don't talk often either, but we can change that. You could have came to me to talk about things. I don't want you to think that cutting was the only resort to…fix things."

"I just… I didn't…" I didn't know what to say, how was I supposed to tell them how I felt? Expressing these feelings that I had was not something that neither was I comfortable with, nor was I able to put into words how I had been feeling. "I know now that cutting and trying to…kill myself, wasn't the right thing to do; but at the time, it was the only way I could see in front of me. When Edward and I were dating, I was always second guessing myself and his feelings for me. I always wondered how someone like him could be interested in someone like me. I always put myself down, wondering how I was good enough for him, how I was good enough for his family. I wondered why his family would put up with me.. and I guess, that kept building up inside of me, and then when I found out what happened between Edward and Rosalie, it just… I just blew up. It was like I wasn't me anymore. And to be honest, I don't know how aware I was about anything I was doing, as I was doing it. I do remember that, as I was... doing what I was doing, I noticed how Emmett and Alice were just standing there not trying to stop me and it was like a sign. That I was in the right mind frame all along."

"We were told EVERYTHING that happened." My mom said as she and Charlie shared a look.

"I told you I never liked that Edward kid…and now you know why." Charlie muttered looking in my mom's direction.

"I'm going to go step outside so I can call Phil and let him know you are awake and everything." My mother stood up, and picked her cell phone up that was sitting on the table. She leaned over and kissed my forehead, told me she loved me and walked out the door.

"I love you kiddo. I… I don't know what I would have done if I lost you," Charlie paused, trying to gain control of his emotions, though one tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. "I mean, I just got you back. I'm not ready to lose you. I promise that I will be around more, and to be more open to talk with you."

"I love you too dad and I promise you don't have to worry about losing me anytime soon." By now tears were freely flowing down my cheeks. "And again, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to put you through any of this! I was being selfish and not thinking of anyone else."

"It's okay. I'm not mad." He said, squeezing my hand and kissing my forehead. "Now, I'm going to go call the station and let everyone there know you are okay. Then I'll call down to the reservation and let Billy and the rest know you're okay."

"Oh god."

"What?"

"Everyone in town must think I'm crazy or something." I said, "I'll never be able to look anyone in the face again."

"Calm down. No one, besides the Cullen's, Renee, Phil, and I know exactly what happened. The staff here signed documents stating they would stay quiet about everything and tell no one. We just said you were in an accident in New York and that you were in bad condition to everyone else."

"Thank god. Oh, can you send the Cullen's in on your way out?" I asked.

"Sure thing," He bent down once more and kissed my forehead before walking out the door to make his own phone calls.

Slowly the Cullen's filed into the room; Emmett being the last to enter closed the door and leaned against it, staring at me quietly. They all positioned themselves around the room, Edward and Rosalie making sure they were the farthest away from me and from each other. Alice and Jasper sat in the window sill holding hands and staring at me like Emmett, Esme sat at my bedside smiling gently while helping me sit up on the bed, Carlisle sat in a chair in front of Esme lifting the back of the bed to help me sit up. They all settled and waited for me to speak.

"To all of you I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I keep putting you all through things like this. I'm going to try to refrain from getting myself killed anymore." I paused. "Meeting you has torn your family apart… it has also torn me apart. I have felt the worst possible pain, both physical and emotional. I have learned what love feels like, and I have learned what heartbreak and death feels like, I know my scars will stay forever, and what it is to stand side by side with death.. I have learned what friendship is, and I have learned what a traitor is. But most importantly, I have learned who I am, what I stand for, how strong I am… I have learned about the ways of the world; how cruel it can truly be, and yet how giving it is. I have learned what it is like to really live. What I am trying to say is, knowing all of you, I have learned a lot; both the good and bad, and I want to thank you all for that…but…"

"You never want to see any of us again." Said Emmett, a truly grim expression on his face. Even though his body was frozen in time, he looked as if he had aged ten years as he said each word.

"No, that's not what I am trying to say." I told him.

"It's not? Then _what_ are you trying to say?" He asked.

"But, out of everything, all of the good experiences I have had with all of you have outweighed those bad experiences." I said. As I said that it was like everyone let out a sigh of relief and they relaxed. That was short lived though as Edward stepped forward and began to speak. I immediately tensed.

"Bella, I just want to say to you how truly sorry I am for what my actions have caused. I know that when I began to question my feelings, I should have brought it up. It's just, I had never met someone like you before, you were immediately so trusting, and you never showed any signs of being frightened of what we are, of what we are capable of. You weren't repulsed when you learned of our histories, of what some of us have done in the past. That's what attracted me to you to begin with. Then, in Italy when Aro told me you were my singer to me that meant you were the one for me. What I didn't understand was being my singer wasn't and still isn't a good thing. The true mate is when you don't notice the blood at all. It's when you are repulsed by the very idea of the blood within that you find your soul mate, if you do indeed have one. It just took all of this to make me realize it. I'm not sorry for being with Rosalie, but I am sorry for how it happened. I never wanted to hurt you; I was just too scared to talk to you about it. I am a coward and I know it." He said pacing back and forth across the room, but paused when Rosalie then stepped forward and began to speak.

"I know, you have always thought I never liked you, but that's not true. I was jealous of you." She paused. "When I was first turned and Carlisle expressed his hopes that Edward and I would become…united, I rebelled even more. Then I hated the very idea of men and I vowed to have nothing to do with him. That's when Edward began to dislike me. Then when I found Emmett I latched onto him, I tried to make myself love him and it worked… for a while, until recently when I noticed you and Edward were slowly drifting apart. It was then that I realized, that a much as I wanted to deny it, I had always had some kind of feelings for him. I jumped when the opportunity arose. I am so sorry Bella, I truly never in a million years meant to hurt you. I was being selfish in my decision. I thought nothing about how it would affect anyone else; especially you and Emmett. I never wanted this," She motioned to me in my hospital bed, "for you."

I sat quietly, as did everyone else, mulling over everything that had just been said. I began to realize something truly astounding; I had been right. All those feelings of doubt relating to my relationship with Edward were right… I was right all along; Edward and I were never meant to be. It was a harsh realization to have as I had been through all of this for a guy that wasn't meant for me, but for someone else entirely. As much as I wanted to hate them both I couldn't. All of this happened because fate had a rather twisted sense of humor…

"I want to be mad at you both… I want to hate you both… I want to be able to yell and scream about how wrong both of you are, and how you should have said something to both Emmett and I at the beginning even if you weren't sure about your newly discovered revelations. I don't understand all of it, but I am trying. Now, just because I am not mad at you doesn't mean I have forgiven you, because I haven't. Forgiving you both is going to take me a while, but I'm not mad…" I said.

"Well, you handled that with more grace and maturity than I did." Emmett said quietly drawing my attention to him.

"What can I say? Being surrounded by a bunch of people almost and/or over a hundred years old will age a person!" I said with a smile.

They all laughed quietly, Esme leaning forward to hug me gently being careful to not hit my IV, and then said.

"I'm glad you're okay, and we have everything at the house prepared for you when you get released."

"Thank you."

"Bella." Said a quiet voice. Looking around I saw it was Alice, who was sitting in the window sill, quietly looking at me. "I know you are mad at me, because I didn't do anything in New York to stop you. But, I didn't because I was terrified; I was frozen where I was standing. I didn't realize that my vision would become true. I thought it was false."

"What do you mean? What vision?" I asked.

"I had a vision earlier that day that you would do that to yourself when we told you, and that terrified me. Then when I decided that I was going to stop you, the vision changed…" She said, he eyes filling with tears which would never fall. "That vision couldn't happen… I wouldn't allow it. That second vision was so much worse; we killed you! When we tried to stop you and we bit you it wouldn't work… and it wouldn't work because of me… because when we bit you, I wasn't going to be able to stop. I didn't want you to die! Not because I drank you dry! It horrified me! I had to make a decision and I did! I knew that if I let fate take its course there was a chance you would come out of it all alright."

"Alice…" My voice broke. She rushed to my side and flung her arms around me dryly sobbing into my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry!" She said. "Please don't be mad."

I shook my head. "I'm not."

We separated and collected ourselves. When I felt we were all calm enough I turned to Carlisle and asked if I could speak to him privately, when everyone agreed we sat quietly as we watched everyone file out of the room. Emmett turned around and looked at me sadly, and when I told him that I would talk to him after talking to Carlisle he perked up a little and then shut the door behind him. I turned to Carlisle and began to tell him everything that happened while I was unconscious. I told him about the first time when the memory flashes happened, I told him every detail about the man with the dream catcher, the room, and the conversation we had. I asked him what he thought, if he thought it was just a dream I had or if he thought it was real. He sat quietly pondering over everything I told him.

"I think it is possible that it was true. People talk about having experiences similar to this. Anything is possible."

"He also told me vampires souls are not damned unless they themselves damn them by doing wrong." Here Carlisle smiled brightly.

"Well then, we now have an afterlife to look forward to!"

(A/N: So, here it is… It only took me around four years to write it! This chapter has given me trouble since I posted this story. When I began writing this, I was in a very dark place in my life; and I didn't know whether I wanted Bella to live or die. So, to not make the wrong decision I stopped writing. Now, I feel like I made the right decision with keeping her alive. SO, was this chapter okay? Please review tell me what you think!)


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